The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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