The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
