Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
