You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
