this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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