Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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