There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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