i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
