I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize