Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
