He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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