can we get nightvision for the apartment?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
