I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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