What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
