And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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