So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
