There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
