somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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