we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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