Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
