it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I would ride that face into the sunset
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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