You work out of a Hotel?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
