Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
