Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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