Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
