I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
