and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
