you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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