why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
