OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
