I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
