Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
