saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
