found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
