Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
