dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
