Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize