This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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