can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just pee around me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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