I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
