I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
