I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
