i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize