Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
