We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
