I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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