i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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