so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
