I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Even my vagina gasped.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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