Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
