I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
