So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
