I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
