Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize