This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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