I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
