make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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