i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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