We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize