life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
