I'm drive I can fine osifer
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
