I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
