3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
