i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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