I can tuck mytits in my pants
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
