i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
