Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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